The Hallway Incident
by meryl lynn
Summary: Watari-experiment induced fiasco. (cliche, gomen!) The return of the Sex Changing Potion!! Basically, it's a grope fest. ^_^;; (Poor Tatsumi!) *made some minor corrections ^_^*


The Hallway Incident

Disclaimer:  Everything belongs to Matsushita-sensei!  And the format I semi-stole for theria-san (gomen!)!

Legend:  

_Italics_ = thoughts

[…] = scene/setting

(…) = character actions during speech

normal text = description of scene/what's happening

//…// = for everyone whose read the manga… the little side comments outside normal character speech. 

***…*** = my words… I couldn't resist! ^_^;;;

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[In Watari's lab…]

**_BOOM!!!!!_**

We see Watari striking a dramatic pose amidst the ruins of his lab; the tips of his hair are singed and smoking.  003 is quietly dying in the background.

Watari:  (laughing maniacally with an unholy glint in his eye)  Bwahahahahaha!  At last!  …It's FINISHED.  (brandishes a small vial filled with a strange, fizzing, neon orange-colored liquid)

            Watari runs out and 003 passes out.  Through a huge hole in the wall we see the sun rising in all its glory.  

[Later, in the Shokan Division's office…]

            The entire office is shrouded in darkness and near the refreshmenst table we see a tall figure in a white coat.  A close up of Watari's face as his glasses reflect light evilly.  

Watari:  Kukukukuku….

[A little later, in the Shokan Division's office…]

            The lights flicker on and a yawning Hisoka shuffles inside carrying an old-looking leather bound book.  There are huge dark circles under his drooping eyes.  He flings the book onto his desk and collapses into his chair with a sigh.  

Hisoka: (leans back in his chair and rubs his eyes tiredly)  _Ch'…That is definitely the last time I'm going to borrow anything from the Earl's library…_  (mumbles grumpily)  //The damn thing gave me nightmares—//

            He catches sight of the refreshment table from the corner of one half lidded eye.  The tea kettle has little wisps of steam coming out of its spout.

Hisoka: (pushing himself out of his seat)  _A cup of strong tea would be good…  _

            Hisoka pours himself a cup and sniffs the steam.  He pauses and looks at it questioningly for a second.  Then he shrugs and takes a sip.  

Hisoka:  (taken aback)  _Thi—this is good!_

[Um, again, a little later, in the Shokan Division's office…]

            The doors slide open to reveal Konoe-kacho, Tatsumi, and Tsuzuki.  They're talking to each other (we only hear mumbles) and Konoe and Tatsumi are wearing almost identical looks of surprise.  Tsuzuki looks very pleased with himself.  

Konoe:  (pats Tsuzuki on the arm in a proud and affectionate, fatherly manner)  Amazing Tsuzuki, you're early today.  Good job.  //After 70 years of service, you might actually be developing some good work habits.//

            Tsuzuki turns into a puppy and looks at Konoe with big, happy, sparkling eyes.  

Tsuzuki:  Rea~~lly???  (looks hopefully at Tatsumi)

Tatsumi:  (adjusting his glasses)  Yes, Tsuzuki.  Let's hope to see this behavior repeated again.  

            Ecstatic puppy Tsuzuki starts a flying leap for Tatsumi.  

Tatsumi:  But don't expect to get any rewards for just being early to work!

            Tsuzuki falls flat on his face.  He starts twitching and several strands of hair stick out of his head.  

Tsuzuki: (looks up with tears streaming down his face)  Tatsumi~~!  B-b-b-but there's this new cake shop—

Tatsumi: (evil face)  NO!

Tsuzuki:  (sweatdrops)  _So mean…_

            Tsuzuki attaches himself to Tatsumi's leg and starts to wail.  Tatsumi tries to shake him off.  A scuffle ensues.  Konoe, smiling an "indulgent parent" smile, just looks on from the side.

Konoe:  (chuckles)  Ah… young ones these days… (catches sight of something inside the office)  Ah!  Kurosaki-san!  Early again!  (his indulgent smile freezes on his face)  Ku-Kurosaki…san…

            Tsuzuki and Tatsumi stop fighting and look at what Konoe is staring at.  They freeze.  Hisoka is standing there with a tick in his eye and a VERY freaky smile on his face.  His hands are shaking badly and the teacup and saucer he's holding are rattling against each other.

Hisoka:  (freaky smile)  O-o-ohayo… mi-minna… 

            There is a collective sweatdrop among the three at the doorway.  Even Tatsumi looks a bit taken aback by Hisoka's freakiness.  Tsuzuki approaches his partner the same way a smart man would approach a rabid wild animal.  

***would a smart man approach a rabid animal in the first place? ^_^;;***

Tsuzuki:  (gingerly reaches out his hand to Hisoka)  Hi-Hisoka?  Are you… okay…?  

Hisoka:  (a strange light enters his eyes)  OKAY???!!  OF COURSE I'M OKAY!!!  

            Tsuzuki is blown away by the force of Hisoka's words.  In the background, Konoe and Tatsumi start to inch out of the door.  

Hisoka:  (in a quiet voice and with a VERY freaky smile)  Hehehe… after all, I'm only a dead guy who kills people and steals their souls for a living, so why shouldn't I be OKAY????!!  (calmly takes a sip of his tea with trembling fingers)

Tatsumi: (leaving) Well, Tsuzuki, I'll let you take care of this.  //The poor kid's snapped.//

Konoe: (also leaving)  Yes, Tsuzuki-san.  Please take care of your partner.  //I have to get out of here.//

Tsuzuki: (panicked and sweating)  He-hey!!  //Don't leave me here with him…//

            In the background, Hisoka is seen sipping his tea and mumbling to himself.  The upper portion of his face is in shadows and there are black waves emanating from his head.  

Hisoka:  (evil smile)  Hehehe…  (mumble, mumble)

Tsuzuki:  (sweatdrops)  …Hi-Hisoka… (looks very scared)

            The black waves from Hisoka start to encompass the entire office.  Tatsumi and Konoe step out and close the door behind them.  As the door closes we see a SD Tsuzuki being swallowed by the black waves.  He's struggling and screaming something unintelligible.  The door slides close with a dull click and Konoe sighs in relief.  Tatsumi cleans his glasses.  

Konoe:  That was scary.  (wipes head with a hankie.  There's a little Gushoshin embroidered in the corner.)  

            The two look up as someone runs up to them.  

Tatsumi and Konoe:  ??

Watari:  (HUGE smile on his face)  Ohayo~~~!!  (he glomps on both of them.)

Tatsumi and Konoe:  Geh!?

Watari:  (loses his smile)  Eh??  (lets go of Konoe—who looks a little harassed—and stares hard at Tatsumi.)  ………  (places hand on Tatsumi's chest)  Why—?  Nothing?!  

Tatsumi:  (looking a trifle irritated)  What do you want, Wata—  Aaaaugh!!!

            Tatsumi screams as Watari jumps him and starts to tear at his clothes.  It's a jumble of arms and legs as the two wrestle on the floor.  ^_^;;;  Tatsumi's suit jacket goes flying.  A bug-eyed Konoe stands on the side and watches in horror as his secretary and researcher grapple on the hallway floor.  

Tatsumi:  (clutching his shirt closed and looking more harrassed than we've ever seen him)  Aaaaah!  Watari!!!!!  What the HELL do you think you're doing???!!!  (tries to pry the other man off him at the same time keep his clothes on  ^.^;;)

Watari:  (wearing a determined "scientist on the verge of breakthrough" look.)  Your body!!  Let me see your body!!!  

            Watari tries to open Tatsumi's shirt but after seeing that the other guy won't let go of it, Watari goes for his pants instead.  Tatsumi screams.  In the background, Konoe is having a heart attack.  

Watari:  (trying to get his hands under Tatsumi's clothes)  Hold still!!  I just want to see your body!  

Tatsumi:  AAAAAAAAUUUGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!    

            Wakaba and Terazuma run into the hallway.  

Wakaba and Terazuma:  (both holding out fudas)  What's wrong—!!  

            They see what looks like a rape scene out of a bad yaoi manga being enacted right on the hallway floor.  They freeze.  

Wakaba and Terazuma:  (blushing furiously)  _Oh my GOD!!!_  

            Wakaba covers her eyes with her hands, but peeks through her fingers.  Terazuma looks like he's either going to be sick or going to transform.  In the background, Konoe has passed out.    

Tatsumi:  (with murder in his eyes)  Get off ME~~!!!!  

            Scary looking shadows start slithering menacingly toward the two men on the floor.  

Watari:  (mad scientist glint in his eyes)  No!  Not until I see your body!!!!

            Watari manages to get his hands under Tatsumi's shirt and starts to grope the other man's chest.  Tatsumi completely loses it.  The shadows lunge for the blond scientist.  In the background, Terazuma has passed out beside Konoe and Wakaba is furiously taking pictures.  

Tsuzuki:  (from inside the office)  HISOOKAAAAAAA~~~!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

            Tsuzuki's anguished scream gets through everyone out in the hallway.  Wakaba stops taking pictures, Konoe and Terazuma revive from their faint, and Watari and Tatsumi stop grappling on the floor.  A huge shadow shaped like a knife stops one inch from the back of Watari's neck.  

Everyone:  ???!!!

            Tsuzuki bursts into the hallway carrying a flushed and unmoving Hisoka.  

Tsuzuki:  (looking very frantic—like he always does when Hisoka is in danger)  Everyone!  Help me!!  Hisoka—!

            Everyone goes over to Tsuzuki and Hisoka and start to fuss over the prone boy.  Except for Terazuma, who starts to smoke really fast, and Tatsumi, who rolls over and after taking a few shuddering breaths, calmly gets his clothes back in order.  

***And we were just getting to the good part! ^_^;;***

Tatsumi:  (looking like he was never the victim of a near-rape attempt)  Everyone!  

            Everyone looks at him.  Wakaba is impressed how Tatsumi could look so cool so quickly.  

Wakaba:  _…His clothes don't even look crumpled…_

Tatsumi:  (adjusting his glasses)  Let's get Kurosaki-san into the infirmary.  (Light glints off his glasses)

[In the Infirmary…]

            Hisoka is lying down in the infirmary bed looking very flushed in the face and taking quick, shallow breaths.  There is a cold compress on his forehead.  Tsuzuki looks like he's barely restraining himself from grabbing hold of his partner.  Watari is taking Hisoka's pulse.  Wakaba is trying to comfort Tsuzuki by patting his arm.  

Wakaba: (comfortingly)  //…there, there… Hisoka-kun will be fine…//

            Terazuma, who is leaning against the open doorway, sneers upon seeing his partner comforting Tsuzuki.  Konoe is nowhere to be seen but Tatsumi is standing near the foot of Hisoka's bed, looking at Watari with a scary expression on his face.  

Watari:  (sighs and takes his hand off Hisoka's wrist)  Well, his heart rate is unnaturally fast and he has a raging fever.  Aside from that though, I can't determine anything else wrong with him, and with these symptoms alone, I can't pinpoint exactly what's plaguing the boy. (looks at Tsuzuki)  It could be anything from a viral infection to demonic possession.  

Wakaba: (to Watari)  …He didn't need to hear that last part! 

Tsuzuki:  (pales even more and clenches his fist)  But—is there anything we can do?!  

Wakaba:  (comfortingly)  //…there, there…// (gives Tsuzuki's arm a squeeze)

Terazuma:  (vein popping)  Grrr…

Watari:  (sighs)  I'm sorry, Tsuzuki, but until we know for certain what's wrong with Hisoka it would be foolish to try to cure him.  He might take a turn for the worse if I give him just any medicine.  (thinks hard)  _This is strange though… with Hisoka's natural ability to heal, he should at least be concious by now…_

Tsuzuki:  (looking grief stricken)  _Again_… _I can't do anything to help you_… _Hisoka_…   

Wakaba:  (hugs Tsuzuki)  It's going to be alright, Tsuzuki… Hisoka is very strong… 

Tatsumi:  (still looking at Watari) ………

Terazuma:  (looks disgusted)  Well, since we're obviously wasting our time here… Let's go, Kannuki!  (glares at Tsuzuki, who's just standing there, letting Wakaba hug him)

Wakaba:  (embarrassed at her partner's rudeness)  Hajime-chan!  (lets go of Tsuzuki)  Can't you be a little more sympathetic??

Terazuma:  (disinterested)  Ch'… For all we know, the boy just drank some bad milk or something.  

Tsuzuki:  (realizes something)  The tea!!

Everyone:  ??!

Tsuzuki:  (excited)  It's the tea!  Hisoka was drinking lots of it—Gah!!!

            Watari jumps over Hisoka's bed and tackles Tsuzuki to the floor.  Everyone goes into shock, expecting a repeat of what will be forever known as The Hallway Incident.  Tatsumi inches away from the two on the floor, Terazuma is starting to look VERY uncomfortable, and Wakaba slowly starts to take out her camera.  In his office, Konoe (who apparently had been trying to convince himself what he saw in the hallway never happened) suddenly feels a cold chill down his spine.  

Watari:  (his face very close to Tsuzuki's—like with Tatsumi!)  Did you say… tea??

Tsuzuki:  (oblivious to the heavy atmosphere around him)  Um… yeah.  

Watari:  (very quietly)  He was drinking it…?

Tsuzuki:  (still oblivious)  He finished the entire pot—

Watari:  (jumps up, dragging a hapless SD Tsuzuki with him by the lapels of his trenchcoat)  —The entire pot!!!

            A very excited Watari throws up his hands in glee and gets sparkly-eyed.  He glomps on Hisoka.  Wakaba and Tatsumi get dotty-eyed as they watch Watari strip off Hisoka's shirt in a frenzy.  In the background, Tsuzuki goes flying into Terazuma and the two of them start fighting.  

Wakaba:  (blushing)  Oh my… (takes out camera)

Tatsumi:  (dotty-eyed) ……

            Tsuzuki and Terazuma, who were both about to summon their respective shikigamis, stop in mid-incantation as they notice that Watari was examining Hisoka VERY carefully.  They get dotty-eyed.  

Watari:  (examining Hisoka's face and chest—both of which were flushed and sweating ^_^;;—with a very intent expression on his face)  _Hm… nothing… yet… _(he gets an idea)  _Maybe—_ (his examination starts to go south)  

Tsuzuki:  KIYAAA~~~!!!

            Tsuzuki does a flying kick and Watari ends up sprawled on the infirmary floor with a shoe print on his face.  Tsuzuki waves his hands frantically around to dispel the lingering Flowers and Sparkles Background Effect ™ that appeared during Watari's close inspection of Hisoka.  

Tsuzuki:  (shielding Hisoka)  Y—you!!  What do you think you're doing to Hisoka?!  

Wakaba:  (sweatdrops)  … _He has the look of a wild dog protecting its territory_…

Terazuma and Tatsumi:  ……

Watari:  (holding his head and getting up from the floor)  Ite… (looks around Tsuzuki at Hisoka with light glinting off of his glasses)  …Just let me see his body—!!

            Watari—and everyone else—facefault and sweatdrop as the fires of determination flame around Tsuzuki.  They start to cower when an image of all of the 12 Divine Commanders under Tsuzuki's control appear as his background effect.  

Tsuzuki:  (looking very scary with fangs and everything)  What… did… you… SAY??!!

Watari:  (now very nervous) Ehehehe… well you see I put something in the tea and—

            Tsuzuki's scariness grows tenfold.  

***I dunno how, but it does!  Just use your imagination! ^_^***

            Tatsumi, Wakaba, and Terazuma start to inch toward the door.  

Tsuzuki:  (looking very demonic)  …WHAT?!?!

Watari:  (getting caught up in his "major scientific breakthrough" spirit)  What else?—my Sex Changing Potion!!!!  (dramatic pose)  

            Everyone, including Tsuzuki, facefaults.  The 12 Divine Commanders Background Effect ™ disappear in a puff of smoke.  

Everyone except Tatsumi:  (pole axed)  … _Sex Changing Potion_ …

Tatsumi:  (sighs)  I knew it.  //It's this lunacy again…//

Tsuzuki:  (shocked expression)  You mean… Hisoka…

            Everyone turns to look at Hisoka on the bed.  He's now covered to his neck in sheets.  ^_^;;  

Hisoka:  (stirs in his sleep)  …Um…

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A/N:  hehehe… yum… ^_^;;  my first YnM fic.  I just finished reading up till volume 6 of the manga (and all of the translations available on the net—I love you, theria-san!) and couldn't resist!  This fic can really be quite a few chapters long… oh well.  ^.^  review please!!!!!  I wouldn't like to post something people will hate… ^_^;;


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